sweet hawaii.

The breeze from the water is simply enchanting. The waves have such a calming affect that they just sing out God's mercy. It's been a rough couple of weeks. God is so much stronger than I,  and I am so constantly reminded of that. I just need to fully depend on him.

My grandma Maggie passed away this last April and while she was unconscious for over two weeks they planned her funeral for this July. It will be her birthday and funeral this Thursday. It takes a lot out of me to really try and face the reality of her absence. She meant so much to me.

She was a difficult person to deal with...for most people. But for me she was a ball of fire to have fun with. We both just got so sassy with each other, it was always hilarious. Our little banter back and forth was quite comical, even just in the physical sense. She was a full chinese woman, under five feet, short black hair and with extremely petite features. I towered over her, a giant with long blonde streaked hair, and completely caucasian looking. I would walk her down the little neighborhood streets in Oahu making her pump her arms and pick up her knees... it was a sight to see to say the least.

I have told all my close friends about her and she lives on through all my stories. She was one of the most funny, feisty and cut throat persons I have ever met. haha. I hope that I too will be a little feisty fireball when I am a grandma. They are so funny to have around.

Please pray for my family and the people that are mourning from the loss of my grandma. I pray that God will give me the words to say on Thursday if I do end up speaking at the ceremony.

Thank you for your prayer and support:)

Killing me softly

My lovely roomie and I drove up to Fresno last friday for a wedding. The couple that got married was so absolutely stunning it was RiDICuLoUS. Their relationship is completely Christ centered and it is so apparent by the way they love others and respect each other. They will have such a beautiful future together:)

I was really moved on the ride home the next day after the wedding and in the car ride home I broke down and just started weeping. I read some scripture to Catherine and then we played some incredible worship music the entire ride back. I encountered the Holy Spirit and just wept for a long time. We made that 2 hours home in a beautiful journey of silence. There is something so powerful about silence.

God has really been revealing to me the importance of sacrifice. I need to give up things in order to for me to receive Him. The things of the world are of Satan and we don't even realize how long we've put God on the back burner for until we finally wake up and see that nothing has been done.
The car ride back was extremely convicting. I realize that I need to be surrendering my life completely and that in itself is terrifying.
Jesus 'ruins' us. Our life styles aren't supposed to be comfortable. He will ruin you and break you out of the mold. He will ruin us in the world's eyes. But we will be edified for his kingdom
How long have I been sleeping? It's time to step up and get out of dreamland.

Its funny because recently I watched Inception for the first time. Trying to distinguish what is reality and what is a dream is what the whole movie is about. Satan is so good at putting blinders on us and convincing us that this world is all we have to live for. We learn to justify ourselves and our thoughts, actions..etc. Soon we live for ourselves instead of others and instead of glorifying Christ. Our citizenship is in heaven. This is not our home. We should not be satisfied with anything of this world, but with Christ alone.

I found a quote in Blue like Jazz by Donald Miller that really stuck out to me.

I hear addicts talk about the shakes and panic attacks and the highs and lows of resisting their habit, and to some degree I understand them because I have had habits of my own, but no drug is so powerful as the drug of self. No rut in the mind is so deep as the one that says I am the world, the world belongs to me, all people are characters in my play.There is no addiction so powerful as self-addiction.

                                                           - Donald Miller in  Blue like Jazz pg 182

If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.

                                                            - Donald Miller pg 185

I posted these a little while ago but I just added my thought process before hand..

While in Ecuador I was in a spiritual slumber. I was trying to find the Holy Spirit and encounter him the way I was used to. It was such a cold place. The cathedrals were empty...I could not feel Jesus there. I look back and try to see why God had me go through this season of dryness, but I may never know. 

I learned a lot about myself and about other people. I feel like I have a better perspective on life and a different type of cultural and social awareness. I pray that God will continue to grow my in this process.

I pray that I can die to myself and my flesh each day and live for the betterment of His kingdom.